Practice in action

Building your emotional pyramid

Understand your triggers on the next level

If you want to understand your emotional world in a deeper and more practical way, its time to build your emotional pyramid. It is simple, and gives you a clear picture of how your attachment style actually reacts in real time.

Grab a pen and paper. At the top of the page, write down your perceived attachment style. Once you have that, think of ten actions or situations that would trigger you. If you have trouble coming up with ideas, ask a friend, ask a partner, or ask ChatGPT to generate a list based on your attachment style. The goal is honesty, not perfection.

Now draw three rows on the page. Label them Extreme, Medium, and Mild. Take your list of ten triggers and sort each one into the row that reflects how intense the reaction would be. If something would send your body into full panic or complete withdrawal, that belongs in the Extreme row. If something annoys you but does not fully activate you, place it in Mild. Everything in between goes in Medium.

What you have just created is your emotional pyramid.

Your attachment style is the umbrella, but every person has their own unique combination of triggers and sensitivities. Some things that barely bother another anxious person might hit you hard. Some things that usually overwhelm avoidant individuals may be easier for you. The pyramid shows the difference between what triggers you and what shakes you.

When I work with clients there is a moment when this clicks. It might seem obvious that you know what events trigger you more than others, but when you see how those events relate to each other, you get a real vision into the item you want to attack. For example, if someone not following through on a promise, and a favor going unrecognized are extreme triggers than you can realize that feeling underappreciated is at the root of your Extreme.

Once you understand your pyramid, you can start focusing on the high level items at the top. When you work on those, everything beneath becomes easier. That is how you build emotional awareness that actually supports real change.

Free offering! If you want to work with me on your emotional pyramid, I am offering 5 free reviews. Just send me an email at bcawosika@gmail.com with the words "free emotional pyramid" and we can get started.