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The Attachment Theory Newsletter - Tunde Awosika, The Attachment Style Coach

Published 7 months ago • 1 min read

Todays topic

Letting go of the need for closure

Breakups leave people searching for answers.

You replay conversations in your head. You look for the exact moment things shifted. You convince yourself that if you could just sit down one more time and hear the truth from the other person, everything would finally make sense.

That’s the closure trap.

Most people think closure is about clarity, but it’s really about comfort. You want the other person to walk you through what happened so you don’t have to face the emotional waves on your own.

Here’s the uncomfortable part: when you ask for that conversation, you’re asking someone who is already creating distance from you to guide you through your healing process.

Think about that dynamic for a second.

The person you want answers from is often already a few steps ahead of you in the process of moving on. You’re looking for connection while they’re trying to shut the door. That imbalance alone should tell you why those conversations rarely give people the peace they’re hoping for.

There’s also another layer most people miss.

The longer you chase closure, the longer you stay emotionally tied to someone who is no longer part of your life. Curiosity turns into dependency, and dependency quietly keeps you orbiting around the past instead of moving forward.

The next step in growth isn’t just learning why you shouldn’t ask for closure.

It’s becoming the kind of person who doesn’t need it in the first place.

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